


We will walk, hand in hand

by hanareader



Category: Naruto
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gen, Mangekyou Sharingan, Not A Fix-It, Revenge, Revolution, Strong Language, Tragedy, Underage Substance Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-08 20:55:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8861704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanareader/pseuds/hanareader
Summary: He fell for it. Killed his brother like his brother killed their clan, followed to the T exactly what Konoha wanted in the end. But Itachi left him these eyes, his Tsukuyomi, and now Sasuke must become the monster to stop monsters.Naruto can’t save him.





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Shout out to my beta in ff for this prologue, thank you, avtorsola.

He watched them. That’s all he did for the past few days. Watched them. Watched them when the elder rose before the younger to carry in the water for the day and feed the chickens. Watched them when the sun had risen peak high and the younger would finally awake, bleary and heavy-limbed and ‘starving!’ Then the elder would feed him, together they’d clean themselves up and together they’d work. The lives of a couple of stead-hands in the remote countryside didn’t look too bad. These two made a place for themselves, a name, and they appeared happy when he watched them. He even wished he was them.

Chakra-bound to the thin branch that which he stood on, Sasuke lingered off the far scope of the village. He’s still, quiet as yesterday and the day before that, and the day before that. This is because the last Uchiha was “busy” if busy could be named and could be gifted upon him, all focused thought on his watching.

A distinction however – Sasuke was no spy. This did not mean he was any less intent, his eyes stayed their focus. He thought if he watched them enough maybe he could be them, maybe he could forget who he was.

…

Sasuke killed him; his brother, that is. With no one else to contend for the position, he’s christened the Last Uchiha. Because the penultimate, his better, was long gone before any of this. Itachi was gone before Sasuke left his village, a rotting sitting-duck for him to finish the deed. His brother was dead when he finally met him, dead on his feet.

(It was suicide, wasn't it? he thought.)

And during this suicide Itachi came limping forwards, slow and heavy-drunk in his limbs, a zombie out to eat him. He moved in a shuffle and the steps boomed because he was the only one who could move... everything else had been shocked still. Kirin meant nothing. With his face cast in shadow Sasuke slinked in fear of his brother, of himself, because who was he to attack this man? This man continued to live and to be the best, to crawl in his death and it scared Sasuke, this almighty power. Instead of his brother, it was he who was going to die.

The human thought had never crossed his mind. It was his destiny to defeat his brother, it must be his buried family’s wish. Sasuke never could think that his brother could defeat _him_.

When Itachi finally stalked where he leaned against the wall, there under the red and white fan, Sasuke couldn’t hide himself anymore away. He could only stand and grow smaller as Itachi pressed two fingers to the bridge of his brows; Sasuke, who looked up cross-eyed one last time and fell for the same damn trick.

“I’m sorry, Sasuke. There won’t be a next time,” he said.

And then He fell. Itachi died. But before his brother could hit the ground he could see the second final words across his lips. His own mortal body had ran out of chakra and Sasuke stood beaten-weary on pure will, the wall was a rigid crutch along his back. His eyes carried no more energy to activate his Sharingan, crusted over as they were, only the power to blink and to cry, to catch the red setting sun and somehow to be able to read those lips. He read.

“Transcription Seal: Tsukuyomi.”

…

Only now Sasuke watched them. His brother must have done something to him, he could feel the ghost touch of two fingers to his brain but since then nothing had happened. The ninja in him knew it was fuuinjutsu. What he didn’t know was for what.

Tsukuyomi was the move that his brother abused and Sasuke seized up at the mere name; he expected nightmares and screams of torture, he expected to see his family again. But there was nothing to be seen. The last continued to wake and to conscious, not once had he fell in a relapse, he continued to see the present right in front of him – the same two brothers, living. He’s a little disappointed.

At night under full moons the rare times that he slept, he could see something else. Itachi, whispering those same words over and over, Sasuke, who flinched every time. Until it became habit, until he got used to the dream and used to seeing his brother like this. Weakened and deadbeforedead and poking him, and not the person who’d finish the job. But Itachi has to remain the person who’d finish the “job”, he must-not be someone else: someone human.

Eyes scrunched and two shivering fingers, Sasuke hesitantly brushed his forehead.

(Otherwise _what did he just do?_ )

…

Sasuke refused to think too hard when he watched them. The Uchiha actively tried not to. A sort of television drama like his old teacher who’d read those porno books, he’d get bored and keep watching. It was addicting and better than what went on inside his mind. He’d rather see disinterestedly when the younger fell in the dirt from a couple of bullies, and they’d laugh. Or when noon came about and the upper class was awake, the elder groveled prostrate low before his superiors.

What played when he activated his Sharingan accidentally, when his chakra would flare up if something startled him: he didn’t want to see that. He needed to watch this because they’re struggling now to lift water home and he could idly sense two thieves waiting behind the curve. Sasuke didn’t move. It was too late to look back at the past. He could only look towards the future if he had the imagination, or if not that at least the present. The two brothers. It was the only option.

...

The masked man, Madara, he called himself and he never came back. Sasuke didn’t bother to look. Somewhere deep in his gut he knows he should’ve questioned more the ninja: what else the man knew and how was he alive? But Sasuke didn’t think to bother because after killing his brother he was limping and dusty-weak – he was tired, more than he was shocked.

Sasuke’s a ninja of the shinobi villages. What did he even expect?

And somehow Madara knew his brother more than he did and considered it under authority to speak the truth. Madara should have took that authority and shoved it where he _breathes_. This man was not his brother, not even close, and if he wasn’t so damn tired Sasuke could muster the energy to actively hate him, maybe even kill him. For being the only person who was honest.

In this world ninjas must lie, good ninjas need to lie to him because better a lie than this. Now Sasuke’s no avenger, no mindless soldier, he hated this feeling; fuck, he didn’t know who he was anymore. He used to call himself an Uchiha but that name’s useless and dirty and buried six-feet under. He’s too tired to shout his own name. If he didn’t watch them where he sat under the sapling tree, he’s going to _think_.

…

Living off the land was good on the run, on a mission. It’s difficult when you’re a growing boy already of 16 and winter was coming. Sasuke traveled speeding with the boughs of withering trees, deeper and deeper to find anything edible. Sasuke never dared to enter the village where the brothers resided. He didn’t deserve that.

Because the brothers scared him, they made him scared of himself, made him half-man unconfident. Because this Uchiha did wrong and people like them will know what he did even if he didn’t realize yet himself. Somebody will know and tell him off and then Sasuke will know and become wrong.

When a deer ran in front of him as he was going the forest-side, Sasuke tripped. An unnoticeable stumble, the ninja recovered instantly, it was mountainous territory and these animals are fast.

It was an uncomfortable reminder. He’s losing his skill, he’s stopped his sensing, next time won’t be a deer.

The Uchiha cannot wait.

…

On his fifth week of watching them, Sasuke had gotten fully bored. He didn’t blame himself the fact, watching was never his doing because he’d never learned how to sit still.

(Always a goal, always moving.)

Though he’s learned well now, even without the Sharingan.

Sasuke waited for the serving maid to return, she’d promised him tea and mochi and he’d accepted considering. This shop was unusually far from the village, corner-side uphill, a good vantage point that sated the dying part of him that was still shinobi. He allowed it. When he sat down to wait, Sasuke enjoyed the smell of the working people with the sound of bustling movement, jasmine tea and gossiping and the rumble of boiling water. For once he had something to listen to that wasn’t a small forest creature, or his own silence. An orchestra of basic life, for his watching and waiting he thought he deserved this.

Before his mind could take a turn for the worst, the serving maid had scurried back and if Sasuke had the money he’d tip her. He didn’t even have the cash for a cup of tea. When he broke last from his team, Juugo was designated treasurer and he himself didn’t care enough. Suigetsu liked his tea lukewarm, and Karin would snatch his mochi like Sakura did. Naruto would save money in that dumb frog purse until it was full to bursting, only to be idiot ninja enough for Kakashi to swipe his cash every time – hide it back in by the end of the day. Sasuke was his own team now, no money, no designation, and he listened idly to the pour of hot water into his cup, green in color like the spring leaves and the smell sharp of bitter root.

He didn’t care. Hebi had scampered on his orders and if he’s diligent he will never see them again in this lifetime. Naruto can save his friendship to himself, he can be Hokage of the whole damned world. No; he knows best, Sasuke will never do anything but _watch_ , stare coolly at the maid in the hopes she’d pay, usually smitten are most girls with him that. And he will finish his tea. Sasuke was learning.

If he learned good enough that his brain was full enough to delete some certain things, it will be the poke he will never fall for again. And he will forget, if he’s lucky Sasuke will forget all in his dreams and his team, his other team and his goal and His dream... and maybe one day if he prayed his own name. This was not something the ninja could actively train for but he tried and was still trying. He’s been watching.

(The curl of something alive in his gut – Sasuke’s not winning.)

…

It was raining. Sasuke leaned into the boughs of the tree in the hopes that its leaves will protect most of the torrent. That his eyelashes remained dry, his sight unobscured.

The ninja never knew why he was watching but he didn’t try to think too hard on it. It was instinctive, the first thing he caught on to do though maybe, Sasuke thought he’d over done it. Watching them wasn’t working. He’ll have to find something else to occupy, somebody else to watch (no siblings) so that the scheduled emptying of his mind continued in full effect. That was his goal. But until that day, he gave in to himself and his thirsty voyeurism. He was stupid. The rain should’ve been the first sign; Sasuke watched.

The two brothers were in an argument. The younger left the coop door open – an accident Sasuke didn’t deign to correct – and their chickens have escaped. The weather was too cold, the sky dark: neither brother could leave for the chickens they’d find would more likely be frozen dead. It was a pointless argument but a loss of one of their better source incomes; this, Sasuke knew. The younger cried his shame and rubbed at his face, his hands and feet muddied as he had looked for them.

(This happened to him once-)

In the end, it didn’t matter. His brother took a deep breath only to towel him down, to the surprise of the younger. Sasuke gasped. The elder bent down and said.

“Jin. Don’t look for them again, eh? Those smart assholes will peck you like you always say they do.”

He sniveled and Sasuke looked on annoyed.

“Let the rain cool their anger, they must feel pretty stupid now out in the pour while we’re in here, warm and toasty…” he helped Jin out his soaked clothes. Little Jin hiccuped a laugh. “If they knew any better, they’d come back like you have.”

The younger smiled.

“I’m glad you told me… but don’t be a chicken. We’ll sleep and look for them in the morning, when the rain has let up.” Jin nodded with enthusiasm. The elder wringed his clothes away and hung them high. Then they ate, bare as it was, they dined on rice porridge and tea of the roots of the nearby trees. Sasuke watched them and studied them, and watched them, until they slept with the candle snuffed and the bed covers tucked and he couldn’t watch them anymore.

…

He _ran_.

(Wise and forgiving even when the things he had done got his brother in trouble with their livelihood, got Him a stern lecture with father-)

The branch shredded with the force of his chakra. Sasuke didn’t stop.

(Because that’s who Itachi was: wise and forgiving out of all things, unwilling to fight. But his brother made him kill him. His brother was dead like everybody else.)

The rain was pounding at Sasuke’s brain, his hair stuck fast to his face blinding him, but not enough. The last’s heart pumped thundering, calling attention to itself underneath his skin.

He was still alive. Itachi loved him most.

And if he didn’t find something to watch... Sasuke, who whipped side to side where he stood, nothing but trees and dark and rain-

Sasuke knew the truth; Madara told him. They ordered his brother to massacre. It shook his world without moving, he felt stupid just to think that everything would be that simple. Of course, Sasuke thought, this was how their world worked, and with his weakened body he shrugged. He would’ve killed Itachi for killing the clan anyway, for murdering his parents with his own hands. Knowing the truth changed nothing.

Knowing... this changed everything.

He let those chickens run, Sasuke let things happen and he chose to refrain. He watched and he watched, but he knew the truth and still he watched like the chicken-shit coward he was. The Avenger ran from his work. When Madara offered him a place with another goal and purpose, Sasuke blankly refused. He said he was ‘tired’.

(Tired of living a lie, of fighting on that lie, of losing when he’s winning the game again and again and _again_ -)

But what right did he have to be tired at 16? When this world spun backwards? He was still alive.

And his brother was dead. In the pouring rain and thunder Sasuke could discern the thin outline of the clouds, black against black. He thought secretly he didn’t blame his brother. If Sasuke were him, he too would’ve taken the easy way out: ran away and made someone else the bad guy, someone else carry the weight, maybe get the final revenge. Itachi was a selfish prick but he was family – Sasuke didn’t blame him. Sasuke could only blame himself.

When the rain got strong crashing the mud he stood on to sludge, he coated his soles with chakra and ran. He didn’t care where he went anymore. If he ran fast enough, hard enough, and in an act of ninja miscalculation slipped and hit his head maybe he could finally stop thinking, maybe never wake up.

Now that the wheels have turned they spin with earnest, the gears in his mind are speeding. His Sharingan was activated, the tomoe cycle in each his eyes. Sasuke ran only to stop running, his breath heaved condensation smoke in the cold air.

“Fuck, fuck...” Sasuke walked himself to a tree. His shirt stuck fast to its wet bark when he grasped for support. It was gross, this poison sap, and he was soaked muddy, filthier than ever. _He was so-_

Mortified, he gagged. Nausea churned his stomach and soured the bile in his mouth, Sasuke coughed for oxygen. Water and sap and the dirt underneath his fingernails, it hurt when he scratched at the bark because he... he knew the truth. He knew what he was and Sasuke killed a man with his dirty, stupid hands. He killed the only other Uchiha in name, in blood, in passing – his brother. And black-biding deep in his gut even after Itachi’s body had turned cold, even after Madara had revealed everything...

He _still_ hated him.

The Uchiha blinked rapidly because the rain hadn’t let up, the water was searing into his eyes. He begged, _no, please, I swear, I don’t-_

But at the same time not enough, _‘you lack,’_ his brother shook his dead finger. The ninja was always too weak and permanently second-best, who red-faced in shame needed this tree for a clutch and to breathe. Guilty as charged. Because just as Sasuke hated his brother he could never hate his brother enough, enough to spare him this aftermath.

Sasuke’s lungs swelled in a panic and he didn’t know how to address the attack, he didn’t know where the pain was coming from. It was dark and raining and it felt like hell. Like his Sharingan had activated with sudden clarity, enlightened his surroundings, only too brightly terrible for his brain to process. No; Sasuke didn’t want to understand the depths of his stupidity. He could only hack, in-out the cold contrast inflamed his nose and he couldn’t gasp-

(The Uchiha who strutted out his village with a false pride that he was better, that he was Right who scorned Naruto. He fought and slashed those he believed were wrong because he was an Avenger outside the village sphere, he was “independent”.)

_Lie._

It must be the liquid electricity in the air that ached at his chakra affinity and surged his brain – because he learned. Sasuke killed his brother, Uchiha on Uchiha all over again. Itachi was a rotten corpse of carrion for the vultures, finished and mission completed and worms in his special eyes but for some damned _reason…_ he still hated him. Sasuke was no better. No better than the village he left, than those he fought, than those working above him that Madara had told him about: one shameful, dirty, _stupid_ orphaned boy.

Of the many.

Sasuke cried.

…

When he came to, half his face had fell in the mud and dried fast to his skin. It shut his left eye or maybe his tears crusted over, Sasuke didn’t know. The last Uchiha stiffly gathered himself as quickly as he could because appearances, and he needed to do something with his hands. He slipped off his sandals, held them in his fingers as he walked to where he knew water was. Sasuke prayed he was wrong.

When he broke out from the thick glade, the sun was white in his eyes. Blinded, he shielded his face, his arm sleeve heavy with dirt. Sasuke slowly and cautiously held himself to the river, stepping down the bank slope with trepidation… he feared his becoming. The water swelled after the rain, turgid and fast enough and tempting to sweep him far, far away.

He bent down to cup water to his face; Sasuke opened his left eye. When the Uchiha activated his birthright, his chakra levels shaved in half and rapidly, he blinked. In his reflection, Sasuke found his brother.

Tsukuyomi.


	2. Chapter 2

It burned to activate his Mangekyou so he never did it again. Like the coward he was (and in his mind he can see eight-year old Sasuke running, clinging to his pathetic life-) Sasuke returned to watching them. He hated himself when he did it, his stomach sunk to the pits and he had to grip his arms to keep everything he was together. If his nails bit through sometimes, then it was better than okay. It’s what he gets for choosing to do nothing.

Sasuke held himself sentry as he always did, watching but never intervening. As a top missing nin he took small pride in his watching, he did so every day for weeks and they hadn’t noticed. Not that these two brothers were ninja; no, they were too weak in internal chakra to even make genin, much less notice him. They were clan-less. Only he’d been watching them and as any human being after enough intent… anyone could feel something ‘unexplainable’. It was a common characteristic particular to civilians, more common to good ninja who make a living being paranoid. These two may not be shinobi but they’re vulnerable villagers, and that’s considerably worse. They’re practiced prey.

So when Jin ran further uphill, Sasuke didn’t move from his place, he didn’t doubt in his skill. When Jin manages to finish the climb and he himself can see the freckles along his neck, sun-blessed light brown spots that bunch together plentiful, he only blinked. Jin began to walk with a purpose, a destination, he smiled passing the first few trees and carefully avoided any deep puddles of mud. Sasuke held his breath.

There’s no way-

It was a surprise when the kid managed to look him in the eye and say: “Hello, mister!” brightly, as if he weren’t a foreign stranger with two long, deadly tanto strapped to his sides, clearly ninja in dress. And if not in dress in stance, cold and silently too-still against the tree, in the process to attack a _child_. Hearing this kid fucking greet him wasn’t a deterrent and didn’t calm the weird feeling crawling up his spine. Sasuke frowned, more annoyed that the kid wasn’t remotely threatened by him, itchy unsettled by his smile.

The younger looked uncomfortably a lot like he used to. It was absolutely pissing him off.

“Get lost.”

Little Jin didn’t flinch, he only smiled brighter. “What’s your name?” he asked. Sasuke’s brow twitched, the kid walked closer and closer until he can see the light brown of his eyes. The tree at his back was a formidable wall and his heart thumped with every step nearer. He’s not scared of a civilian but those eyes-

Jin threw out his hand like a weapon and knew him. “My name is Jin.”

The Uchiha grunted. He didn’t look twice at the offered handshake. “So?”

“You’re a ninja, huh?” As he inspected him curious, his face was open and young. He looked ten. Sasuke didn’t want to look at him anymore.

“I’m on a mission,” he lied and hoped that the hero-worship etched in his face will make him nod seriously in understanding, skewed-comradery and stop talking, move away from him forever enough to forget and _stop smiling_. Sasuke avoided those eyes like the plague with his chin turned to the tree. His message was clear.

“No way, you’re not.”

_What._

Sasuke faced the kid. “Yes. I am.” _Understand. Leave me alone._

It wasn’t that he minded conversation… far from it, this was the most he’s talked since Madara. He didn’t recognize his own voice, aged and rusty from disuse and a steady lack of good water. Sasuke didn’t care to open his mouth because there was no one who would hear, no people to talk to in the wild. Not that he noticed a difference. No; his voice was wrecked to the core bitter, he retired his time losing himself and yelling… it was unshinobi-like and sorely ineffective as a course of action. Sasuke was quiet.

(Plus it was hard to talk to this kid, who looked too much like him and who waited with innocent interest. It was painful to watch him like this and continue to do nothing.)

Jin wasn’t the least bit bothered by the annoyed glare coming from him, almost as if he knew where it was meant to be aimed. He backed a step, the smart kid, but held his ground. A pout formed on his face slowly, and brave, stupid Jin actually voiced his upset.

“You were always watching us!” he accused with gusto because the kid’s proud, his first catch having figured it all out. His finger pointed and Sasuke narrowed his eyes. Maybe he wasn’t as skilled a voyeur as he thought. He shrugged his discomfort and listened Jin complain.

“There’s no way you’re on a mission because I saw you yesterday when I went under the den and then I told my brother but he didn’t believe me! I thought I was becoming like old, crazy lady Shiho because she always sees things and no one believes her.”

“Are you stupid?”

“Hey!”

“If you know I’m a ninja don’t come talk to me.”

“I don’t care if you’re a ninja!”

“So you don’t care that I could hurt you?” Sasuke peeled himself off the tree and took one dangerous step. His sandal sounded loud on the forest floor, a crunch of the last of fall’s leaves and the heavy silence after… Jin took a step back. “Maybe I was spying to kill you.”

The kid puffed out his chest powerfully – an act. He’s quaking in his shoes.

Practiced prey.

“I could kill you with my little finger.” Sasuke threatened and took another step. This was working. Keep going more, more and then he’d scream.

And run away and never talk to him again. Sasuke could watch for one last time and then move on to something safer, old people or the moderately blind. Watch those and never be questioned or interrupted. Retire himself, maybe move somewhere far from the Fire Nation. It’ll be a new life with fresh dreams, no goals and he could have a new way to forget his past, a new way to help himself go to sleep. And if his ideas watchings somehow didn’t work out, then he decided there’s always smoke or drink. Maybe something even better.

Sasuke thought it for a moment, the ability to forget even if only a little while, his time in Sound hadn’t been entirely a waste. There were yet some poisons he hadn’t built a tolerance for… yes, there had to be. His brain could go a little fuzzy and he could get high, take a cut to his ninja abilities of perception. It’d be nice and friendly, quiet and peaceful, a treat to his day by day.

Jin trashed his dream in half. “I’m not scared of you!”

He sighed.

“Oh?” Sasuke slowly unsheathed his tanto, the shink of the sword loud when the crows stopped cawing. Light eyes grew wide at the length of the metal, bulging obscenely when he presses the weapon’s tip to a nose. He’s cross-eyed, this kid, trembling minutely, fear and confusion soured the light in his face. Jin whimpered small in his delicate, civilian throat, and Sasuke watched.

“Come near me again and I’ll end you.” He lifted away his sword.

Predictably, the boy fled.

…

He hadn’t come back. Sasuke wasn’t surprised. He’d figured that this was the result of his faux threat and that his gamble played well. He’s glad. Now Sasuke could focus on other things, move on, maybe even forget. He’d take himself on his own offer of retiring wherever, and then he’d finally sleep.

He nodded as he thought this in the same tea shop, this time having swiped a few coins from a couple of travelers. He only wanted enough to cover his tea because he wasn’t interested in making nice. Not when he hadn’t slept well the night before, and heavy bags hung under his eyes, low and wrinkled like he’d aged decades. He looked like his brother.

Much in the way Itachi did Sasuke drank his tea with care, savoring what was the nuttiness of chicory root, and maybe a spice of ginger. He did this and didn’t notice the door folds peeling away, his ninja senses not primed to such low chakra levels. Jin and his older brother walked in then, and he didn’t notice them until they sat where he sat, until Jin’s brother made himself comfortable from across from him with a defensive arm, dark around his little brother’s shoulders. Sasuke glared at the arm and at the kid, and promptly set his tea down.

Before he could make his due escape, the brother spoke. “Wait.”

Sasuke stilled, hands in motion to his weapons because habit and he’s feeling unnerved. Like a cornered animal. The elder didn’t mind him any, stupid must run in the family, Jin’s brother continued like this was idle small talk. “You watch us, but you haven’t done anything. And you know we don’t have anything. Why?”

“I wasn’t watching you.”

“Hey, you liar!”

“Jin, stop.” The hand on the kid’s shoulder tightened minutely, Sasuke noticed. The elder sibling followed his eye and looked him straight in the face. “He’s right, you know. You do watch us.”

He twitched his brows. “Well, I won’t.”

“I didn’t ask that of you.”

Sasuke glared and his Mangekyou circled once. “Can’t you just leave this buried?”

“I figured if you were truly going to kill us, you would have weeks ago.” Jin’s brother didn’t make a single reaction of his Sharingan. Brown eyes open and unblinking. He must not know what he was, who he was, outback country civilians aren’t too versed with the dojutsu of popular clans. The lacking fear and appropriate shock was annoying where his face was slack but the fact… intrigued him. “We’re just curious. There aren’t many ninja in our village, you know?”

Sasuke frowned.

“You’re not a part of Lord Gizo’s henchmen, are you?”

“No.”

“Are you from the Lily Country?”

“No.”

“What _are_ you?” The older brother asked curious, betraying his age. He must be at most twenty, youthful and bulk in the arms, and still swept into the politics of ninja warfare.

Sasuke meant to bite – ‘ _Uchiha_ ’ – something he’d be proud to state back when he was thirteen. But his throat was stuck shut. He can’t bear to wear that name because he’s the one who made them extinct… because maybe he was never an Uchiha to begin with. Sasuke may have defected to Orochimaru with some sense of fucked up pride that he was actually getting stronger to right his family’s wrongs, but in the end he never _left_. He fell for it. Killed his brother like his brother killed their clan, followed to the T exactly what Konoha wanted in the end. He’s too _embarrassed_.

“Nobody,” he said.

Jin’s brother could hear the way his voice lowered, going dark and warning him against asking any further. The man nodded like he knew what he was feeling and Sasuke could scoff at the thought. He didn’t know the half of his disgrace.

“We weren’t from around here neither,” Jin’s brother started and the words surprised him. “Haven’t lived here for too long, maybe two years now, I think.”

“Three!”

“Yeah, thanks Jin. Three. Came from far, far away across the mountains, past the Land of Waterfall. You know Suna? Imagine past its deserts. Still within the borders of the Fire Nation but a long travel from here.”

“Why are you telling me this. I don’t care.”

“I figured if you watched us this long you should know.” The man shrugged. “I feel like I can trust you,” he said. Sasuke almost laughed.

Oh, how wrong he was.

The brother shook his head. “No, truly, you may be a ninja but you know what it’s like, don’t you? You’re younger than me.” The last blinked. He didn’t know what the man meant by that but it’s spoken with a tone of truth, something powerful in this bustling tea house, ringing in his ears. He looked 20 but he wasn’t always twenty, not when he must’ve escaped where he was from. With his little brother.

“What are you trying to say?” Sasuke asked slowly.

The man shrugged. “I mean, can’t we be friends?”

…

Their house was even smaller on the inside if that was even possible. Cramped even with only the few items they owned, the space was mostly taken up by the fireplace in the middle. Of course. Definitely important for the upcoming winter. But this chamber pot was enormous, mouth cavity black and wide and dominating the room space, Sasuke couldn’t help himself but to grimace. He came here for reasons he didn’t understand yet and he’s already itching to leave. A liability like that in the middle of the room rubbed him wrong where his ninja tendencies.

The brother didn’t notice his fallen face. “Here is where you can sleep, and over there is where you’ll find somewhere to wash up. Do let me know if you need anything.”

“I’m not interested in protecting you,” Sasuke said. Clarifying. This man just invited a shinobi he didn’t know and not of his country into his home, directly next where his younger brother slept. Stupid shouldn’t have lived this long.

“I didn’t ask that of you,” Jin’s brother turned to look at him, assessing him with his eyes. “Consider it a favor. It makes Jin worried when you’re so far away.”

“So it’s better if I’m close? Did you forget that I’m shinobi?”

“I didn’t forget. We like ninja, don’t we, Jin?”

The little brother piped. “Yeah! I always wanted to grow up to be a ninja, mister.”

Gods. He hated the kid. Always had the most uncanny things to say. “You’re too late,” he cut, hoping to ruin moods.

“What?!”

“You’re too old to be a ninja anymore,” he said though the words sounded thick coming out of his mouth. Rolling and furry on his tongue, it’s a weird thing to say to a 10-year old. Too old to become a ninja.

He promptly dropped the funny thought.

“Hey, that’s not fair, how could I be too old?!” Sasuke shrugged unhelpfully.

“Jin, wait.” His brother ruffled short, brown hair and Jin brightened before shaking himself out from under his hand. Then his brother looked at him. “Can I ask you a favor?”

The voice was patient. The last cocked his head, considering. He didn’t care to do anything for these two civilians and once they were finally sleeping, he would make his exit, favor or no. He wasn’t interested. But if only for the moment he could humor the man and his brother, allow them to believe something false. If only for a moment longer he could stay. Sasuke nodded his assent for him to speak.

“Show my little brother some moves you can spare? Since you’re not protecting us.” Jin’s brother smiled and raised his brows in amusement. “Surely you can do that, in exchange for a roof and mat.”

“Sure.”

“Did you have somewhere to go mister? Home?”

“No.”

“Do you have a home?”

“No.”

“Do you want to stay here?”

“Do you?” he spat bitingly.

The question made the kid shut up for a second under thought. Finally. Sasuke was tired of being pestered with questions and his customary curt answers weren’t working. The kid’s diligent and he didn’t like where the conversation was going. Jin concentrated his face like he was in pain, thinking, and Sasuke rolled his eyes. He was about to turn and set up his “bed” when the kid spoke up. “No. I don’t really like it here much actually. Brother is the greatest though! But I don’t like staying here.”

Only a little surprised, he kept his face smooth. Sasuke raised his eyes to the elder in question.

The man patted his brother on the head, signaling him away. Jin skipped off and instantly forgot the gravity of his words. “He’s right. As you can see, we’re pretty much broke.” He spread his arms around him.

Sasuke grunted.

“You are too, aren’t you?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“You steal?” When Sasuke didn’t say anything, the man gave him an open smile. “It’s okay, I did the same too if I can’t avoid it.”

_Good for you._

“It’s a part of living sometimes, you know? Otherwise we wouldn’t have made it.”

“I don’t care.”

“Oh. That’s good.” He nodded and he didn’t look any more comfortable, the tufted buzz-cut opened his face revealing the furrowed lines and tense of his neck. Sasuke was trained to find these things, to recognize them for what they are – disappointment, awkwardness, discomfort – but he didn’t care much for this guy’s reaction. He didn’t know why he was still here, he guessed boredom and curiosity, and maybe something in the way of closure so that once the man and his brother went to sleep Sasuke could make his escape and not be tempted to return. Sasuke could move on from these siblings, move on from his own brother and maybe from himself. If he never activated his Tsukuyomi, he’d have effectively succeeded.

That was the plan.

“It’s good not to care. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, right?”

His heart beat. Sasuke’s eyes flashed red. “ _You don’t know what you are talking about._ ”

If the man had any sense of self-preservation, for his brother, dammit, the last could think, he would have heard the threat in his voice and dropped this thread of conversation once and for all. This man was utterly stupid, not in a way unlike Naruto, earnest and ignorant of basic things and socially incompetent, that he would shut up if he had even half a brain. He didn’t have half, he had none, so desperate for a comrade-in-arms (or someone his age, Sasuke thought suddenly) he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He was trying to find commonalities, by gods, he was trying to make _friends_.

Sasuke didn’t want to make friends. “I mean, I used to be ashamed of stealing, especially if it was from hard-working people,” _like me_ , he meant to say, and Sasuke glowered. Jin’s brother never even looked at him. Eyes distant and away from his own, he belayed the truth. “It wasn’t right because we were brought up better than that. I didn’t want Jin to see me and think it was okay. I was ashamed to tell him where I got the goods, made up so many stories…”

Lies. Excuses. Watching. “Look. What part of I don’t care don’t you understand?”

“What?”

“I don’t give a damn about your life story. I don’t give a damn about what you had to do to survive. I don’t give a damn about all the sacrifices you’ve made in the hopes that your brother-”

“Well maybe you should!”

Sasuke quickly turned his cheek.

Jin’s brother took a couple of breaths. “I didn’t mean to bore you, shinobi- _san_. I thought maybe you had a little brother too-”

“I don’t.”

“Yeah, I think I know. You must’ve been an only child.”

He didn’t know how close to the mark he was, this was the only defense staying his hand. Sasuke growled darkly. “You know nothing about me.”

The man shrugged him off. Dismissed him, as if. “Feel free to find whatever you need in the house. Or don’t. Since you don’t care.” Jin’s brother said, the tiny trickle of anger subdued itself until Sasuke couldn’t notice it anymore no matter how hard he searched with his chakra. It was what he wanted from the start, quiet, alone, but it tasted a bittersweet victory. Jin’s brother ignored him in the face, turned away from his eyes. “Have yourself a good night. Shinobi-san.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes at the fake politeness.

 _And fuck you, too,_ he thought.

…

‘There’s nothing to be ashamed of, right?’

The words rung through his head when Sasuke “awakened” and immediately began scouring the small household. He got a good look before when he first came in and the ninja hadn’t forgotten how to be light on his feet, how to not make a sound when he scavenged the cupboards for dried food provisions, or better yet, hidden stored money. Something like spite where this civilian’s words cut deep further than any kunai and his wounds have festered, that all Sasuke could think about was to return attack back. Angry at this man though he’s too weak to kill it’s an anger displaced, and he could feel a small awareness tickle at the back of his mind. But he didn’t give a damn and not giving a damn shouldn’t matter, he told himself, of course there was nothing to be ashamed of, here, stealing from these two. This, Sasuke nodded and promptly proved to himself when he found himself a digging of cash. The purse of coins was found buried within a jar of rice, stupid and predictable (amateur, he shook his head slowly) was right.

Sasuke dug out the small bag and counted what was in it, 40,000 ryo, not bad, and though ineffective as far as his ninja abilities, if the man was truly smarter he’d hide his savings in more than one location. He didn’t, which made his job too easy; Sasuke pocketed the money and closed the jar exactly the way it had been. Though he didn’t care whether Jin’s brother knew it was he who stole the money Sasuke put the items back where they were, some leftover notion of standards, if he had any. Funny, he almost laughed. Ironic, that.

With the money hot on his side, he left quietly into the early morning and didn’t look back. 40,000 ryo wasn’t much to a ninja like him, but in this side of the country it could get him a lot. Get him very far. It was enough to cover his tracks and it was enough buy what he _really_ needs. He won’t look back.

Sasuke followed the path into the downtown of the village, there were no provisions back at the house to take so he might as well spend a little first. He came into the first shop, locked, not opened yet, and stood in the shadows for the shopkeeper to wake. Sasuke could’ve stole from here too but he didn’t want to create a reputation, not in the heart of the village itself. Ninjas from these small villages could never feasibly apprehend him should he come to it, but they were good for being annoying and more importantly, they were loud. The last thing he wanted was for somebody to send notice to Konoha and call for backup, more than likely said backup in the form of Naruto.

He sneered at the thought. Fuck that.

“Hey, you lonely?” some woman asked from the shadows and though Sasuke didn’t pay much attention to her before, now he glared at her. “Let me entertain you?”

“Not interested.” His eyes flashed dangerously.

She giggled at him. “Oh, of course. Young boy like you can’t possibly be alone, maybe you have a girlfriend back home, hm?” Taking no caution of his disgust she plastered herself over him, cold to the touch and stinking of drink. No inhibitions where she swayed, the woman made sure to hug tight his arm to her chest, rubbing. Already scantily dressed, it was an even colder feel; his tanto dug into her side revealing just who he was.

“Oh _my_. You’re shinobi, aren’t you?” she purred. Sasuke could roll his eyes.

“Do you mind?”

“Mmm, for you, no, never. But come on, what have you got to lose?” She trailed a fingernail up his arm in a way intended to be sexy, but her hand was shaking. Drugs, maybe. Hard drink. “If you were looking old man Hiro doesn’t wake up until nine, everybody knows that. You’ve got lots and lots of time! So what do you say? For me?”

When the Uchiha turned to look at her she wasn’t even aware of his gaze, her eyes were lidded bloodshot and un-focused on his neck. He didn’t know how she was still articulate, wrecked as she were and blinking slowly, her breathing soft. Whatever she was on worked good. She didn’t even notice him check her for anything left in her kimono; cash money or otherwise. The woman grinned, and her teeth reeked like sweet rice wine flavored in honey and lilies, cloying his nose until he grimaced with nausea. She tried to massage his arm; she was at least thirty, her hair heavy with oil and split-pinned up to simulate an un-flowered geisha. Sasuke scoffed under his breath, she wasn’t fooling anyone. It was all part of the act.

And he was willing to act in return. Something where she didn’t care and Sasuke didn’t care about her, the woman was just a whore and that’s all she would ever be. “I say, where did you get this?” he pulled out a small pouch and she made so weak a grab for it that he easily moved his arm out of range. She tried again and again and then she laughed, rubbing her sweaty tits against his arm with her heaving.

“Hahaha, I don’t know, I don’t know…” she made a reach once more with her giggling. Sasuke was tired of the sound, reedy and blowing hot air against his neck he gave her her drugs back. But the woman oopsed when she dropped the bag even though he pushed it in her hands. The woman began to smile slowly. She giggled obnoxiously loud at her mistake, clumsy was part of the act, he thought as he gave her the benefit of the doubt, right before she dropped to her knees.

Well. She was right. What did he have to lose?

…

The sun was too bright, Sasuke decided, he’d have to do something about that. Maybe make a big mountain to always cover it up or cut out a piece of the sky, there, where the sun was so high and bright and too damn yellow for his tastes. It was annoying. He slapped his hands over his eyes and saw heat orange, which was nice but then he couldn’t see where he was walking. What if he tripped and fell? What if he accidentally hurt someone? That would be bad; no.

So Sasuke released his eyes, blinking numbly before him because the light was making everything blurry. Too many colors and too few, he scrunched his face tight and squinted until he regained focus; that is, the terse face of a man tall and smoothly not impressed. His hands crossed and back straight Sasuke was sure he knew of this man, of brown eyes and brown hair and dark, brown skin. Brown, brown, brown – everything brown, it was funny because he was matching and his eyeballs were so white. Weird. Sasuke leaned his head to inspect a closer look, mouth open agape.

The man he was staring at narrowed. “Shinobi-san.”

“Aa.” He sniffed and blinked dumbly.

“I knew I shouldn’t have trusted ninja.”

A cross snort. Another. Soon Sasuke began to laugh, a sharp, gasping sound that stole from his lungs and left him absolutely breathless. This man was funny, he’s dying at the words so much he can’t even remain standing, Sasuke placed a hand on the other man’s shoulder to regain his bearings laughing with his face towards the ground. He began to sputter and cough. Nausea churned and rose into the bile behind his teeth, Sasuke threw up right on this man’s sandals, vomiting clear rice wine, watery and speckled with bits. Jin’s brother shouted in disgust before he shoved him and with little maneuvering force he pushed him to fall into his own filth. The last laughed at him and turned away from the sour acidic rubbing his hair in it, laughing.

“Ahh, fuck you, hahaha,” he hiccupped.

“You stole my lifesavings… Jin’s lifesavings! For _this_ ,” Jin’s brother kicked him in his side and out fell leftover coins, half a cigarette and dust. The empty pouch he picked off only to throw it at Sasuke’s face. “If you weren’t a ninja I swear I’d-”

Sasuke grinned all teeth. “What? Fight me? You think you can win?” The Uchiha gave a haughty smirk and his eyes opened, leered at the rage-struggling face looking down at him and blocking the sun. He flopped onto his back in the middle of the street and showed his empty hands. He taunted. “Saa, go on, why don’t you. You won’t get a better chance than this, I can’t even move my fingers.”

“Fuck you.”

“You should call the police right, that’s what little civilians do. I promise I won’t even stop you.”

“I won’t call the authorities.”

Interesting. “Mm, really, why not?” Sasuke scrunched his eyes shut and his mind moved slowly. “Money maybe too much for you to admit? You lied hiding it because you wanted to avoid taxes-”

“Shut up!”

“Maybe you stole this money too?”

Jin’s brother yanked him up by his shirt, bunching the two sides of his robe into one hand so he could pull him close to glare him a warning. The other man’s eyes were searching, flitting from side to side so near desperate that they unnerved him somehow: they looked too hungry. There’s something more where Jin’s brother was upset, Sasuke’s conscious crept in the tense silence, sobering him piece by piece but he didn’t like where this was going. It was better when he forgot, when he was less stiff, better when he degraded a couple steps looking like this: a village-less nin thug loitering in the streets. He played dumb with his mouth cracked open and it was easy to act, the woman from earlier had been in the right. He felt less the proud Uchiha dragging his appearances by the dregs of his sandals, where he woke up every morning to tie his obi and sharpen the edges of his swords. For that was obviously a waste of his time, this way his time was better spent, and hell could Jin’s brother tell him otherwise.

No. Sasuke ignored the furrow in the man’s brows – what right did he have to be disappointed? this man knew nothing about him, absolutely nothing, and he needed to keep his hands to himself, keep his mouth shut like the little ignorant civilian he was.

“ _Let go of me._ ”

He dropped him. With a sneer, the man let his fingers go punching him on the way down. Sasuke allowed him that, call it mercy or whatever you will, his neck cracked right and the Uchiha sucked his cheeks with a hiss. The Uchiha ran a cursory tongue over his teeth. “You done?”

“I hope you enjoyed yourself,” he spat. Predictable; Sasuke rolled his eyes. “I hope you got what you came for.”

“Aa.”

“I hope you did because that’s all you’ll ever get.”

He scoffed.

“It’s unfortunate I didn’t realize you were still in service then. Shinobi-san.”

That got his attention. His head cleared in an instant and his blood shocked cold. “What did you say to me?”

The man’s lips twisted. A shrug. “I didn’t know you were still a loyal soldier. I almost thought that maybe you were different but I guess anyone could be wrong.”

“I’m not enlisted.”

“You’ve given up.”

When Sasuke growled, the sound suddenly burst out of his chest surprising him and his fingers twitched; Jin’s brother smiled thinly. “It’s by default, shinobi-san. It’s a shame because you look younger than me so I thought-”

“You know _nothing_.”

“I thought if anyone someone like you would be better off, recovered, stronger-”

“You have no right!”

“But instead I find you here, like this.” Jin’s brother squatted to his level and Sasuke couldn’t bear to look at him anymore, he scrunched his eyes shut and twisted away. If Sasuke couldn’t see him, he couldn’t see Sasuke; he couldn’t see him through the glassy-ness of his gaze and where he’s been hurt. It was stupid logic and the damned Tsukuyomi, and the Uchiha comforted himself with these superstitions. The man loomed closer. “You’re right; I don’t know you. I don’t even know your name. I thought in due time maybe I’d learn it, learn your story if you were willing to talk.”

Learn your story, he said. Sasuke’s throat cracked at the honesty in his voice. “Why? Why do you want to know my story? What do you want from me?” it hurt to ask.

Jin’s brother spoke, his voice steady. “Well, I already said I don’t want your protection, Shinobi-san,” he joked. It wasn’t a funny one by far, but Sasuke huffed despite himself. He heard the noise, and smiled. “There’s only one thing I want from you – that I could see in you.”

There was an involuntary hitch of his breath, and the sun shined in his eyes.

“I want you to fight.”

...

“-fight?”

Jin’s brother’s smile widened though he didn’t hear the inflection in his voice.

“You’re a ninja aren’t you?” he said as if that solved everything.

Sasuke laughed high-pitched. The sound had built up slow in his throat, bubbling like boiling water but never past the melting point.

He was so stupid.

“You think I can fight?” Sasuke asked loudly, catching the attention of a few passerbys who looked only to quickly look away. Everyday civilians are afraid of rogue ninja, even if they refuse to admit it. They lean away from people like him on the street and allow full space on the walk, they don’t dare look him in the eyes. Sometimes he couldn’t too, in the mirror. “You think _I_ can fight? Why don’t you take a look at me? Hah?”

Jin’s brother shook his head, confused. “T-there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re a shinobi, you’re my age-”

Always with the age. It was pissing him off. As if numbers could define him, as if whatever happened didn’t matter because he was still “young”. Because Sasuke’s been made old, an aged, bitter man by decades. He was dying, and now he was barely keeping his head above the water.

“You know nothing about fighting. Give up. Why don’t you fuck off with your little band of rebels, or whatever you’re asking me for; I told you _I’m not interested_ ,” Sasuke spat. His voice was scathing enough to make a few people scurry off should they start a fight. But they were smart. Jin’s brother was not.

“Okay, okay,” he said like coaxing a small animal, comforting its fears and luring it closer. The sound was grating on Sasuke’s nerves, soft and permeating into his skin. He sounded too much like Naruto. “You’re right, I don’t, I’m sorry. I’m not looking for a fight, Shinobi-san. I’m just your average guy trying to do the best for my brother, you see-”

“Do I look like I care?”

“No. No, you don’t. I’m sorry for wasting your time. Nevermind, you’re right. Keep the money, Shinobi-san.”

Keep it? This had nothing to do with money.

“It’s all _gone_ , you idiot. Don’t you get it? Everything is gone,” Sasuke giggled airily into the ground. He got a whiff of his own leftovers and it only reminded him, that all he had left was himself. “Fuck your money, I couldn’t even get a full night out of it.”

When the man tensed at the shoulders, Sasuke felt vindicated and he sneered.

“Mm, yeah, do you know Young ‘Lady’ Mito? Ask her for your cash if you want it that bad. Don’t ask me.”

Jin’s brother didn’t make a move. He stood still, his body wasn’t even blocking the sun and Sasuke grumbled.

“If you’re not going to stand in the light, go home already.”

“You really used it all like that? On a hooker? On drinks? All before noon?” he sounded incredulous.

He sounded disappointed.

Sasuke could laugh.

“Does that bother you?” Sasuke cracked his neck and moved to stand but he didn’t bother to fix himself. The man’s eyes followed him all the way to his hair where a little of his strands hung soaked. Sasuke wanted him to know just how he looked, how rank he smelled because this was all that would come from a life like his. Whatever Jin’s brother thought he was a part of, whatever high hopes he had of proving himself, of changing the world… would eventually always end up like himself. It was about time people like him knew this. “Did it surprise you?”

“You… it sickens me.”

Sasuke shrugged.

“Aa.”

The man tried. “What could possibly be so bad that-”

Sasuke finished his sentence for him. “That I ended up like this? You really want to know?” he asked like an open offer.

Jin’s brother hesitated for a moment. It must have been the look in his eyes, dead stare and serious, turning red in only a blink. His tomoe spun idly at first, then faster, faster, until they began free-wheeling and for once Jin’s brother looked afraid. He didn’t recognize a Sharingan when he saw one but he feared the color red, the color of blood. He must then instinctively know the change of energy in the air: as Sasuke weaved piece by piece his genjutsu he would know as everything around them had changed.

“Fine, then. You want to know so bad? I’ll tell you.” His lips curled.

The man began to scream.

…

He’s taken too long, Sasuke thought as he looked at the man shiver slightly only to roll over and curl in on himself. Jin’s brother groaned and his hopes were momentarily renewed but Sasuke saw that it was just a groan of sleep.

“Get up,” he ordered unkindly.

The man coughed under his breath and Sasuke knew he was close to his waking cycle. He’s going to speed things up.

Sasuke kicked him in the side and Jin’s brother grunted, a hand instinctively meeting where the pain was. He floundered placing himself, patted his pockets until he jolted awake. He sat up with a start.

“Where am I?”

“Don’t scream again. You’re going to scare the public and that’s too troublesome,” Sasuke said while pointing at the nature around them. “I was too lazy to drop you home. Now you can get there yourself.”

“No.” Jin’s brother rose from the dirt with a start. He brushed himself off and looked at him too closely. “No, no.”

“No?”

“I won’t leave,” he said with all seriousness, brown eyes unblinking. The way he spoke, the way he projected himself like Naruto… It made Sasuke want to laugh himself to death.

“Shut up. Gods, I hate people like you,” he said.

“People like me? I’m just being honest-”

“You talk like I need you. Like I’m one of your ‘brothers’. I don’t need your comforting.” Sasuke started with a great show of annoyance. He rolled his eyes because it was a bit unfortunate really, this man did turn out to be stupid. “Just because I showed you my past doesn’t mean anything. Don’t let it get to your head. We’re not friends.” He shifted, bending his knee higher in order to have a perch for his hand of sake. “Go home already.”

“My name is Amma.”

The Uchiha raised an eyebrow and sifted this bit of information.

“And you’re right. I do have a group of rebels. I wanted you to meet them. I still want you to meet them.”

Hah. Interesting.

“That’s too bad. Like I said I’m not interested.”

“But you are!” He starts, and the light to his eyes get brighter. Like he’s already imagining the future. Sasuke guessed he must not know many ninja then, if he’s going to keep trying to capitalize on himself while he can. Nothing new, just like everyone else does. This man wasn’t good at playing the game however, this man had nothing to entice him, nothing to offer him. He wasn’t Orochimaru.

Even if he did… Sasuke was sure he’d never wanted to gain power again. Look where it got him? He saw too much.

“You-”

“I’m done, _Amma_. I’m done with my revenge.” Sasuke smiled half-heartedly and took a deep draw of his bottle. He’s never said the words aloud before but once they’ve been said he couldn’t take them back. It’s a little relieving, really. He thought he needed the chance to tell someone else this. “Didn’t you see? I learned my lesson. I would’ve gotten nothing out of this. My village clearly wanted the Uchiha gone and look, they got it. They fooled me well,” he spoke and couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice. But he’s done and done is it, it’s about time he stop being bitter about it.

It’s about time he move on. Give up. It’s about time he sleep.

“I’m going to leave Lily Country,” Sasuke said. “You need to go.”

…

Amma left. He left in a flurry of restrained emotion, something that tickled the back of his mind because that used to be him, loud, angry, running. He watched as the man stiffly chose not to look at him, and Sasuke didn’t care, he watched as Amma walked away. Too bad.

That afternoon was humid. The air short under his nose and warming his sake for him, Sasuke felt his eyes get sleepy. He didn’t make a move to get comfortable and the weight only got heavier on his shoulders, like a thick blanket of drowsiness drowning him. It was sluggish and leeching the energy from his limbs, not that he ever used them much nowadays, but it slowed him until he needed to prop himself with his sword, wipe his hands.

Sasuke knew he was overdoing it. Two long bottles of rice wine and weakened metabolism was a recipe for madness, but he thought he was already mad anyway. Mad for thinking and for feeling, his second-hand thoughts made a return with a vengeance and it’s only been a couple hours, not long since Amma had left. He kept drinking but it didn’t stop his mind from pouring over the conversation, eyes spinning idly. He kept drinking and it had nothing to do with what he’s _thinking_ , Sasuke swore under his breath and took a long draught.

Fuck. He’s not serious, is he?

He’s not actually considering this… Is he?

But it was damning behind his eyes. He was. His thoughts were screaming at him to get up, collect his things, water the ground under him with the last of his sake, and fight. To abandon what he’s comforted himself with for the past few months and give it his all, throw his body back into the fray again. He’s got to be kidding himself, fucking stupid.

It’s been two weeks since the activation of his Mangekyou and those were two weeks too short, they passed by listlessly. Consisting of boredom with the occasional bouts of thought, color, like a particularly bright flower he remembered his mother would’ve liked or downing cups of teas favored by his nii-san. Maybe even a small, insignificant memory of Naruto or Sakura or even Kakashi, orange, pinks, and whites. It was peaceful. He was sure that after a while he’d be known to the rest of this poor, outback village, that if Lady Mito was the town gossip he thought she was he could soon be well-established here. Intermixed with the populace. A local. Of course that is, if he was too tired to leave. Sasuke could aspire to be the village mystery, the village outsider. He could be the village bum.

A part in something at least, and not so lonely, not so purposeless, he’d be a part in something very small.

(If Sasuke were to be honest with himself the idea appealed to him. This was as good a place as any, he thought. Sasuke was tired of wandering.)

But this wasn’t what Amma was asking for. This was different and Sasuke didn’t know how but he couldn’t stay here, not if he’s already seriously thinking, steadily in the process of convincing himself. Not if it was _working_.

He shook his head of the thought and told himself it could never work. It was stupid. Sasuke hoped never to use his “skills” for the remainder of his life. But his hopes are only unintelligible sounds of comfort, they mean nothing here in this thick air; they’ve been breaking ever since he got the damn things. He hated it. The feeling seeping from the air itself, sinking into his line of sight – he knew he was a good ninja and he hated that fact, he hated the waste. He hated them. His eyes. His Mangekyou. It’s been two weeks of more idle watching, of allowing his chakra muscles to denigrate, of – and he hoped and prayed desperately – of moving on.

Two weeks of doing nothing, his mind whispered.

He knew it was wrong. He knew he was ignoring a problem, running away again. He knew someone would eventually find out. But Sasuke hated himself already and didn’t think he could hate himself any more than he has, he knew that it was just a shame, the last Uchiha reduced to this. Wasting away the precious Sharingan his brother had “gifted” him. Drinking himself into a stupor and living dirty, he didn’t think it was any different from the way he existed.

_No._

His father would be ballistic if he could see him. The man oozed proper form and order. And his brother did too. Itachi was soft-spoken and genial, who bowed to his elders every day without fail. Made their family look impeccable, his genius the talk of the village. He took care of himself and held his head high, right before he slashed their parents’ throats. Sasuke did the same as he had then, back when he didn’t know.

And now his hair fell into his eyes, the oily strands are burning. Sasuke knew why he was thinking about him, when the last vestiges of alcohol and guilt finished branding into his soul. He finally got his brother’s eyes. He finally got what he’s been waiting for. Sasuke suspected that Itachi poked him in the forehead and always wanted that for him, that he expected the Mangekyou to activate premised on some deep lingering love remaining. He who hurt him, had him kill him, and expected Sasuke to still care. Expected Sasuke to continue to care, even after his death.

Save the world like Naruto would say with a bright thumbs up.

_“I want you to fight.” Amma smiled._

Well, his brother was wrong. His brother was a sick bastard. Yeah, his stupid plan worked but that didn’t mean he had to accept these things. He didn’t have to use them. How could he? He couldn’t. They reminded him of the mistakes he’s done, these reds were the sole products of his greatest mistake.

Sasuke wished he could gouge the sight from his eyes, let the blood flow down his cheeks and the white flesh rot under his finger nails. He wished to burn, raise a toast a little higher and let the alcohol in his hands permanently seal his vision. He didn’t want to see himself anymore.

He didn’t want to _benefit_ from this. He never, he swore, he didn’t want to win. He didn’t dream to rise from his brother’s fall, to be the last one standing, and he didn’t _desire_ these eyes, no, not like this. He never wished for this to happen. He didn’t love power, he didn’t! Sasuke couldn’t stop the shaking of his head. This wasn’t what he wanted.

But it was, wasn’t it? This was exactly what he wished for. Sasuke wanted this from the start. Didn’t he? He disrespected his brother’s grave now, now didn’t he? In the end, he’s got the power he’s always wanted and fucking reaped his brother’s corpse, and it was a damn waste of it all because he did nothing, absolutely nothing with it. He _watched_.

But watching was better than the shame of using that much he knew, no, Sasuke could never. He didn’t know what to do with himself for the present and he didn’t know how long he’d have to remain in limbo, laying here in the grass. Watching the setting of the deep, red sun. He was watching and waiting for another sign, maybe another purpose.

Sasuke finished the last of his sake and Amma left.


End file.
